Table of Contents
- What rudeness looks like
- What is the Bible’s definition of rudeness?
- The Bible uses a few points on why we shouldn’t be rude
- Practical ways to handle rude people
The Bible is strongly against rudeness. The basic premise is that it is not loving and doesn’t build others up. This applies to us even when we are dealing with difficult people. Every human was created in the image of God and so everyone needs to be treated with respect. Followers of Christ are also God’s ambassadors and any unloving act doesn’t reflect well on God. We’ll also discuss some practical ways we can respond to rudeness.
Have you been rude before, reader? I have. My brother pointed out that I was rude to a waitress at a restaurant. I was curt and impatient with her. I was working a very stressful job with long hours and I was constantly exhausted. My brother said “who do you think you are?” so I bet I seemed condescending too. Maybe I felt superior to her because I had a more demanding career, (falsely) signifying my greater worth. It’s very unchristian, I know. I cringe whenever I thought of this.
What rudeness looks like
Generally, rudeness takes many ugly forms. It can come in an impatient tone, raising your voice, being condescending, cussing, or passive-aggressive comments. Interrupting when someone else is speaking, being late to a meeting may also count as rudeness because they disrespect others.
Rude behaviors are self-serving and hurtful to others.
What is the Bible’s definition of rudeness?
1 Corinthians 13:4–5: “love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.” (ESV)
In the King James translation, the word rude is translated as behaving unseemly. It’s not a word we often use these days but it means inappropriate, dishonorable, distasteful, not keeping with the standard.
The Bible uses a few points on why we shouldn’t be rude
Rudeness is contrary to a life full of grace
Being rude is the opposite of loving. We are called to watch our words and make sure that the words we say build others up.
Ephesians 4:29 Paul says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
It’s easy to be rude when we don’t get what we want or when we’re disappointed. Sometimes we do it to make a point, hoping that the rudeness will give us results. But when we do this, we’re causing distress to the other person. And that person can be just a person who’s doing his job.
Rude implies selfishness. It says “I’m more important than others and I am entitled to what I want.” It doesn’t have regard to others, which is completely opposite to what the Bible calls us to be: counting others more important than ourselves.
Rudeness is serious
Being gentle and courteous is not a nice-to-have habit for Christians. In fact, speaking ill to others or of others is a characteristic of sinners. In the book of Corinthians, revilers are mentioned along with other sinners such as greedy and swindlers.
1 Cor 6:10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Apostle Paul is not saying that those who slip into rudeness (or other sins listed above) once in a while will be excluded from the kingdom of God. But he’s describing people whose lives are characterized and dominated by these sins. These are not the marks of Christ-followers.
So is occasional rudeness ok? Of course not. We need to turn to God, ask for forgiveness, and not repeat it. After all, sins that dominate our lives start from a single misstep.
Rude people imply that others are less important than them, which is contrary to the Bible’s teaching. All humans have dignity and were created in the image of God, so our standings in society don’t matter. Everyone is precious in the eyes of God and we should treat others that way.
Those who hope in Jesus have received God’s undeserving love and our lives need to be marked with love and compassion towards God.
Rudeness betrays God’s image
We should be loving and courteous to others because what we do reflect God. Apostle Paul likens us to God’s ambassadors.
2 Cor 5:20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
Imagine if a diplomat accidentally hit someone with his car (carrying a small flag of his country). He’d think hundreds of times before running away. Because any terrible act will reflect badly on the country that appoints him.
We as Christians walk around in this world as God’s ambassador. We are children of the king of the earth. Do our actions align with God’s image?
In my Chinese upbringing, greeting our elders by their titles is very important and a child’s ability (or lack thereof) to do this reflects the parents’ capability. When we see an impolite child, what comes to mind is usually “wow he must have lousy parents with poor parenting skills.” Because a child learns how to behave by what his parents allow and prohibit him from doing at home, right? We reflect our parents. Our actions reflect our Heavenly father.
And so when we are tempted to be rude, remember that we are Christ’s child and ambassador. That’s our identity. The short-term satisfaction of being rude/hurting others is not worth the taint that we put in God’s name.
Those are a few truths that we need to keep in our hearts as we go on our daily lives. But how about when others act rude to us?
How we should deal with rude people
Living in this fallen world, it’s inevitable that we will encounter rude people. The question is, how should we respond? Our natural response is to be offended, angry, or desire to get payback. But the Bible shows us another way to deal with rudeness.
1 Peter 3:9 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
The saying “give the other cheek” is a familiar term, even to those outside the church. So we know we are called to never respond to hurtful actions unkindly. But why? The passage above answers it: because we could entrust ourselves to God who judges justly.
We don’t seek revenge on this earth because we have a just God who will deal with them justly, on this life or the next.
Practical ways to handle rude people
Pray for your heart
When we are hurt, we have a natural tendency to get even. In times like this, we should pray that God gives us a compassionate and kind heart to respond well. We need to remember Jesus and how he has forgiven us of all sins and extend that to others.
This is even more important if the rude person is someone we have in our circle.
Reflect on the cause
Jesus has said that his followers will be persecuted (Matt 5:10-12). The question is not if, but when. So we should expect unpleasant remarks and treatments because of our faith. When this happens, we should rejoice for the reward that we’ll have in Heaven.
However, not all rudeness is this kind. Some can be caused by our own ignorance or sin. If this is the case, we need to reflect, investigate and decide if we have made a mistake.
Look past their behavior
The book of Proverbs instructs us to not react in anger, but actually ignore an insult.
Prov 12:16 The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult. (ESV)
The NIV translation is “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. Showing our irritation is foolish and it’s smart to overlook an insult. Decide not to be offended.
The truth is, a lot of rude people may be struggling in their own lives. Hurt people hurt. A rude remark says more about the person saying it than the receiver. People can be mean because they are hurting.
Looking back at my personal example, I was always exhausted and I had an empty love tank. I’m sure you’ve had your own example.
When someone is rude to us, overlook their rudeness and look for the pain in their lives. If we know what others are going through, it’ll be easier for us to cut them some slack. Everyone can use some extra grace.
Never respond in kind, but bless them
When someone mistreats us, we are called to love them, and even bless them. Yes, the Bible sets a high standard.
Luke 6:27-28 But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. (ESV)
Jesus gave the ultimate example in his life. When he was crucified, he prayed for God to forgive those who crucified him. Chances are, all the rudeness that we encounter in this life is slight compared to Christ’s suffering on the cross.
The Bible also says that those who bless others will inherit blessings of their own.
1 Peter 3:9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. (ESV)
The next time we encounter rudeness, pause and pray so that we may be reminded of Jesus’ love and extend it to others.
Sources:
https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/guzik_david/StudyGuide2017-1Cr/1Cr-6.cfm?a=1068010
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/loving-difficult-people
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/when-they-hurt-you-with-words
